“Am I too needy?”

It’s a question many people quietly carry into their relationships. Society tells us that we should be independent, self-sufficient, and strong enough to stand on our own. Depending on someone else, especially for comfort or happiness, is often painted as weakness. But what if the opposite is true? What if our “neediness” is actually one of our greatest strengths in love?

In their book Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller challenge the myth of being too needy. They remind us that close, dependable romantic relationships are not only natural but vital to our emotional and physical well-being. Just as children form bonds with caregivers that shape their safety and exploration of the world, adults form attachments to partners that impact everything from our confidence to our heart rate.

When we reach for a partner—seeking reassurance, closeness, or comfort—it isn’t weakness. It’s biology. Our nervous system is wired to look for connection. When reassurance is missing, our instincts push us to try harder to regain closeness. This isn’t being “clingy”; it’s being human.

This is where the Dependency Paradox comes in: the more we know someone is there for us, the more confident, independent, and brave we can be in the world. Independence grows out of secure dependence. It’s not about needing less—it’s about knowing we can count on the person we love, even if they aren’t physically beside us.

So maybe it’s time to rethink the label. Being “needy” doesn’t have to be a red flag. It can be a sign that you value connection, vulnerability, and intimacy. It’s about allowing your needs to be seen, and giving your partner the chance to respond with love and support.

At Trail of Growth Psychotherapy, we believe your needs aren’t something to hide or apologize for—they’re the foundation of deeper connection.

Be needy. Be open. Be human.