Have you ever noticed anxiety creeping in before the day even begins?
Before work. Before plans with friends. Before leaving the house.
You might feel:
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A tight chest or racing heart
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A pit in your stomach
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The urge to cancel, avoid, or “just stay home”
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A loop of thoughts like “What if I say the wrong thing?” or “What if I can’t handle it?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not weak, lazy, or antisocial.
Why anxiety shows up before things
Research shows that anxiety is often less about the event itself and more about anticipation. Our brains are wired to predict danger, and when something feels uncertain — social interaction, performance, expectations — the nervous system can go into threat mode before anything has actually happened.
Studies in neuroscience and psychology describe anxiety as an overactivation of the brain’s fear circuitry (particularly the amygdala), combined with increased mental forecasting. In other words, your brain is trying to protect you by running worst-case scenarios — even when there’s no real danger present.
This is especially common:
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Before workdays with pressure or responsibility
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Before social plans where approval, connection, or rejection feels at stake
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When you care deeply about doing things “right” or being enough
Avoidance can bring short-term relief, which reinforces the anxiety long-term. The brain learns: “Avoiding keeps me safe.” Unfortunately, this also shrinks our lives.
Anxiety isn’t the problem — how alone you feel with it might be
Many people try to “get rid of” anxiety through willpower, distraction, or self-criticism. Research consistently shows this approach backfires. Suppressing anxiety often increases its intensity and frequency.
What does help is curiosity, compassion, and understanding the function of anxiety.
Anxiety often protects:
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From embarrassment or rejection
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From failure or disappointment
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From feeling overwhelmed or out of control
When we treat anxiety as an enemy, we miss the message underneath it.
How therapy can help
Therapy isn’t about eliminating anxiety — it’s about changing your relationship with it.
In therapy, anxiety becomes something you can:
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Slow down and explore safely
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Understand rather than fight
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Respond to with compassion instead of shame
Therapy offers space to ask:
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What is this anxiety afraid of?
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When did it first learn this job?
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What does it need from me right now?
Evidence-based approaches like Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and parts-based approaches (like IFS) all show that when people feel understood — internally and relationally — anxiety softens.
Over time, clients often notice:
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Less dread before work or social plans
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Increased ability to attend events even with anxiety present
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More self-trust and emotional flexibility
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Less self-judgment when anxiety shows up
You don’t have to wait until anxiety is “bad enough”
Anxiety doesn’t have to be constant or debilitating to deserve care. Even mild, situational anxiety can impact your quality of life, relationships, and sense of ease.
Therapy can be a place to:
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Practice responding to anxiety differently
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Learn nervous system regulation tools
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Reconnect with your values instead of avoidance
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Build a kinder inner dialogue
A gentle reminder
If you feel anxious before work or social plans, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at life. It means your nervous system is trying — sometimes clumsily — to protect you.
You don’t need to get rid of anxiety to live fully.
You just don’t have to face it alone.
Kristena Disalvo
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